Woman to Woman

The topic for today's forum is

Dealing With Grief

"Grief is a difficult process and almost everyone has experienced it in some form, be it losing a spouse, a parent, a relative, a pet, a child or through miscarriage. Please share with our readers what you have found to be effective in helping you come to terms with the death of a loved one. How has it changed your life? How have you been able to move forward?"

I have had my share of dealing with the loss of a loved one. Actually, my entire family is gone. I’m the only one left. In this picture is my Daddy, Mom, Brother, Sister and me, the little one in Mom’s arms.

Mom died in February 1980 and it hurts almost as much now as then. The doctor found a cancerous tumor in her kidney in July 1979. Her kidneys was removed that month. She had radiation for a few months, then died at the age of 68.

My sister was the next to leave us. She was just 57. She was born with …….. and spent her entire lifetime dealing with breathing problems. She had to go on oxygen 24 hours a day in the late 80’s. Smothering would be an extremely difficult way to die. She was in full control of her mind and body, and knew that each breath may be her last. She died in October 1992. My brother and I gave Daddy as much comfort as we could, but its just not natural to lose a child.

Daddy was always a very strong and active person. I can’t remember him every having anything wrong except a mild cold. It wasn’t until the year 2000 that Daddy experienced any real medical problems. He stumped his toe and didn’t seek immediate medical attention. It turned into cancer and he died in October 4, 2001. The last six weeks of his life were horrible on him and the family. My birthday is October 2^nd, my nieces’ is October 3^rd. We felt Daddy knew the date and waited until after our birthdays to leave us. Daddy was 88.

That left me and my brother. My brother enjoyed traveling. He was a Baptist minister and participated in many missionary trips abroad. The year before he died he was in Russia on one of these trips and developed a kidney stone. He was hospitalized a few days until the stone passed. Shortly after returning home from this trip, he was delivering a sermon at his church and had to stop and start over several time. After the sermon one of the people from the church called his daughter to let her know what happened. That afternoon he was taken to hospital and found he had over 10 brain tumors and one in his lung. They have him 3 months to live. I truly believe that the power of pray helped him live another year. I believe his work on earth was not complete. I had not gone to church in years. When we moved to Hurricane I didn’t know anyone and to start going to a new church was difficult for me to do. When Lloyd was so sick, I knew I had to start going again. Maybe this is what God was waiting for. Lloyd was 74.

I dealt with grief in the same way with the passing of all my family. The day of Mom’s funeral when we were at the chapel at the cemetery, it was time for the family to leave. I just sat there. I believe it was Daddy that said, Linda come on. I just sat there. My brother came over and sat down beside me and I told him I could not leave Mom here. He quietly said, “She’s not here, she’s in heaven with our Lord. This is only her earthly body, but now she is well and sitting with Jesus”. Those words helped me leave with my heart full of love and hope. And, those same words helped me with the passing of the rest of my family.

At my brother’s funeral I overheard his daughter say, “That’s not my Daddy lying there, he is with our Lord”. It has been my faith that has brought me through the difficult times of of losing my family. I know with all my heart, that one day we will all be together again without pain and suffering.