this and that

See the ticker above? That means 6 months from today I'll be turning 60. Where have the years gone? When I was 39 I mourned that entire year. The thought of turning 40 was more than I could handle. I was divorced, raising two children and had no real social life. Life was really hard. I just knew I wouldn't make it to 40. When I woke up on the morning of my 40th birthday, I went into the bathroom, looked myself in the mirror and said, "You made it kid!"

Turning 50 didn't phase me at all. But, now the thought of turning 60 is freaking me out more than turning 40. 60 sounds so old. Even 59 sounds so much younger than 60. I keep thinking of the little old blue haired ladies from my church while I was growing up. Now I'm one of those....without the blue hair. Clairol....thank you.

Lately I've been obsessed about cleaning "things" out. What have I got tucked away that I would not want my children to find after I'm gone? Also, all the "stuff" I have kept that is of no use to anyone, but have brought fond memories for me. I'm tossing these things, because again I don't want my children to have to go through all this "stuff" when I'm gone.

I've also been reflecting on all the things I can and can't do. I wish I was able to say, I can do ***** really well. There isn't one thing I feel I'm better at than anyone I know. Yet, my friends can play the piano or other instrument, knit, paint, garden, write, sing, I could go on and on. I don't mean to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself. I have so much to be grateful for, yet I feel I've missed out on so much as well. Now I feel there's not enough time left to do things I said I would do when I was young.

Don't get me wrong, I'm in good health.....for an old bird. I sure can't do many of the things I did when I was in my 30's. I just feel time is running out. There's so much more I want to do.